Third attempt

This is the third attempt to use blog as a mean of reflection, for the sake of sanity and realisation. This being the third attempt means that the previous two failed miserably. However, I will still try to do this.

So... Why is it that I want to do blogging? It's to find out what I have always been thinking about. It also lets me know that I'm not someone who is simply drifting towards no man's land.

In case you are wondering why I use 'River of Dreams' as my blog title, the reason is because I love the song so much. It's sung by Billy Joel, by the way. I find one art of the lyrics of the song very meaningful. The singer is searching for something 'so undefined, that it can only be seen by the eyes of the blind'. So what is this thing? I wonder... is it identity? A definition of myself, thought I can't really find that exact definition. Maybe my senses will not help me to find this thing, or even becoming a hindrance in a quest of finding it.

Today, I finished my mathematics portfolio at 5am in the morning. I made further amendments at 8am. I submitted it at 10am. I must confess, it is not my own work. I am ashamed of this fact, but I have to cheat up to a certain degree in order to survive. At least, I really tried my best to explain everything in my own words, based on what I understand about the question.

I must say, I'm the biggest loser of all. I started to do the maths portfolio early and ended up at the same stage as those who started one day before the submission day. Maybe I'm never suited for this kind of thing anyway. Maybe, I'm, never good at these subjects. Sigh... What a loser. So much for a learning process that does not really mean a thing to others but myself. My only hope from doing these things by myself as much as possible is that through the pain and angst i experience in the process, I can learn something from it. Then, I guess I should not give a damn about others.

By the way, I need to sleep early. I am doped by a cup of coffee this morning. In the next post, I think I will talk about me being a game addict. I confess once again... Quite ashamed of that. This will be elaborated in the next post.

Let this third attempt be a successful one, amen. All I need to do is to condition myself for it. By the way, a little hint about my identity (I mean, what I'm known for), it's TABASCO and MUSTARD. It's funny how I want to keep myself anonymous but at the same time I want people who knows me to know me through this blog. It's just like those writers who wants to convey their points to the readers by hiding their message in their literary works.

Cut... Cut... Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing...