Well... This is just a post about another ordinary day with slight turbulence here and there. Today, my teacher left the class earlier than it should be, and she was not aware of it. Basically, the whole class agreed to let her be as they were all tired of the subject already. They all pleaded to me not to tell her that her lesson is not over yet, as I'm usually the one who acts as the 'model student'. Still, this occurrence makes me realise the fact that in our modern society, there is always conspiracy of the masses. If 95% of the members of the class agree to let her be deceived, then it shall be the case. Yes... Conspiracy of the masses. How about democracy system in governments all around the world? Sigh...
Besides, for every right thing that I fight for, I become more and more aware of my hypocritical self. By fighting for the right thing, am I not indirectly saying that I am always fighting for the right thing? Otherwise, I'm being biased and unreliable as I only fight for the right thing only when a certain conditions are met. Thus, assuming I'm not biased, I should be fighting for every single right thing in the world.
However, that is not the case. I'm a human being who is driven by emotions, thus I'm biased and unreliable to a certain degree towards different things. Being aware of the fact that I am biased and my actions are driven by passions, and still fighting for the right thing makes me a hypocrite, right? I am aware that I cannot fight for every single right thing. It is beyond my ability as a human being, yet I'm fighting for the right thing anyway. I can not even confirm if my action this time is not driven by passion. How ironic is that? This concept is hard to explain. I'm not even sure if I grasp it already.
The essence of the problem here is, do I have the right to fight for the right thing when I myself am not perfectly right?
Can someone who is not perfectly honest fight for honesty?
Can someone who is not perfectly just fight for justice?
Indeed, it is written... "Do not judge others, for you will be judged by God"
Still, if an imperfect being, knowing that he/she can not be completely perfect, can not fight for perfection, then who will fight for perfection?
I'll rephrase it again...
Does someone, who is aware that he/she can never be perfectly right, have the right to fight for righteousness?
If not, then who does? If no one can be perfectly right, then can perfect righteousness ever be reached?
Perhaps this is why perfection can never be reached. No one ever have the idea of perfection. Perfection is beyond our measure, beyond our understanding. Then what is the point for striving for perfection if no one can ever reach perfection?
Confusing...
Oh, the plan for coffee overdose failed. The caffeine content of the coffee served in the morning is just too low such that in order to achieve caffeine overdose, you'll have to gulp down at least 7 large cups of coffee. So... It's not possible.
I'm also wondering if anyone ever reads my post now that my blog and my identity is revealed to some people... To anyone who happens to read this post, comments will be greatly appreciated. Just leave a remark about my thoughts... "whatever..." will do if you don;t feel like thinking at all. i just want to know if anyone reads this post at all...
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Coffee!!!
Coffee is the most wonderful thing ever invented by human.
Feeling sleepy? just grab a cup of coffee and you are good to go.
I'll try to overdose myself with coffee tomorrow, just for the fun of it.
Feeling sleepy? just grab a cup of coffee and you are good to go.
I'll try to overdose myself with coffee tomorrow, just for the fun of it.
Still....
Still... If things are so futile and temporary, why bother?
Still... I am waiting for someone who shares the same thoughts as me.
Still... I'm tired of hearing "I do not want to think anymore".
Still... I'm lonely.
Still... Ignorance is all around.
Now that I have much less distractions to do work, I have problem getting the motivation to work.
In case you are wondering why I name myself the Great Pretender...
It's because I think I am seen as a pretender. Or perhaps I am, indeed, a pretender. Personally, I do not think I am a pretender, but what if I am actually a pretender, who is pretending to myself that I am not pretender? Complicated, huh?
Let's see... today... is just one of those ordinary days.
No bombs. No gunshots. No assassinations. Not around me at least.
Perhaps, a bomb exploded somewhere as I type out this post.
Well, it has nothing to do with me or this post, actually...
Seriously, why is nothing happening? I kinda wish that I am fighting in a war, you know! At least true friendships can be made during such time.
This post is disjointed, don't you think?
Still... I am waiting for someone who shares the same thoughts as me.
Still... I'm tired of hearing "I do not want to think anymore".
Still... I'm lonely.
Still... Ignorance is all around.
Now that I have much less distractions to do work, I have problem getting the motivation to work.
In case you are wondering why I name myself the Great Pretender...
It's because I think I am seen as a pretender. Or perhaps I am, indeed, a pretender. Personally, I do not think I am a pretender, but what if I am actually a pretender, who is pretending to myself that I am not pretender? Complicated, huh?
Let's see... today... is just one of those ordinary days.
No bombs. No gunshots. No assassinations. Not around me at least.
Perhaps, a bomb exploded somewhere as I type out this post.
Well, it has nothing to do with me or this post, actually...
Seriously, why is nothing happening? I kinda wish that I am fighting in a war, you know! At least true friendships can be made during such time.
This post is disjointed, don't you think?
Monday, August 25, 2008
Day 002
Maybe I should stop counting the number of days, it's lame
I had TOK Focus day which, in my opinion, was a waste of time as the matters brought up to my group discussion were not resolved. At least I came to realise the problem of definition that exists in such discussions. The problem of definitions must be resolved before the discussion even starts so that the participants will not have to digress to the same problem over and over again. Sigh... What am I saying here is a waste of your time.
I'm tired now. Why am I tired? I do not know why.
I updated my facebook information, but I do not think that is necessary at all, as my pessimistic mind tells me that no one's going to read my profile anyway. Everyone has their own friend, and those who prefers to be approached, people like me, should go and live a lonely life forever and ever, AMEN. This pessimistic mind bugs me a lot. It's just my nature. Especially when I am in a bad mood like now, my pessimistic mind will play more part in my course of thinking.
Oh, and I read about terrorism in India, how Indian Muslims are offended by the lack of concern shown by the officials regarding the 2002 Indian Muslim massacre. Seriously, I do not care about this. All I think about now is the stupidity of human. How idiotic they can become. Seriously, I think people should really start to think carefully about their actions. Fighting for religion, in my opinion is absurd! What the hell do you gain from those fights? Glory for your religion? So be it, but what do you sacrifice at the expense of that glory? Ah, screw it all. Why do you need religion, HAH? Worse still, you are all forgetting the fundamental reason why religions are created? What is that fundamental reason, I wonder? Isn't it love? Isn't it peace? Has it been created so that people can fight for its TEMPORARY glory? Everything is temporary! Why bother?
Oh, "Everything is temporary; why bother?". This is one of my formulated quote. It makes me feel this life, or everyone's lives, are pointless. Our existence, aren't they pointless? The mere reason why we have to exist is questionable? Why do we have to exist? Shouldn't we end the sufferings of mankind by ending them all? Just like getting rid of stain in a piece of cloth by throwing it away together with the stain. Has anyone mentioned that human need to exist for the universe to go on? Then why is it that we want to exist so badly?
Oh, and Christians think that we exist so as a prove of God's glory. Our existence is to glorify God. If this is true, then isn't God a selfish being? Why the hell did He create us, helpless creatures, just to glorify him? Oh perhaps we are never intended to think the way we do now. Thanks to Adam and Eve who ate the fruit of knowledge! If only they did not eat the fruit, then we could have lived a simpler life, similar to that of the rest of animals in the world. Ignorance is bliss. Had they not eaten the fruit of knowledge, we could have been ignorant of our surrounding and be happy! Screw them for giving birth to our ancestors who eventually give birth to us, that we, the residue of their sexual pleasure, must endure the pain and suffering of the world. This is just a criticism on human existence according to Christianity.
You see, our existence is rather futile. Why bother to exist? Let's be optimistic for a while, shall we? We have no choice but to exist. We have two choices on how to live our life. One, do not bother about it and live an empty, drifting life. Two, we might as well make full use of this life and gain as much as possible since we can not choose not to exist anyway. The second option is the optimistic view about life, of course. However, we sometimes forget about the fact that we do not necessarily need to strive for meaningful life. Striving for a meaningful/good life is just one of the two possible options. Why is it that we tend to forget about this? Hope! Hope is the thing! We always have hopes about better tomorrow, better life, etc. Redding in the movie "Shawshank Redemption" said "Hope, my young friend, is a dangerous thing". It's true to a certain degree. Hope makes us delusional sometimes. However, hope is also the reason why we strive for a meaningful life, isn't it?
This blog can go on forever. I'm even tired of talking to myself now. Again, my pessimistic mind tells me that no one will be bothered to read this discussion anyway. This is one of those things that we, humans, take for granted. If we can be happy with an assumed reasons to live, why bother questioning? I can't help but to think that most of us think according to this statement. Ignorance is bliss after all. Suddenly, this common phrase appears to my mind very frequently nowadays. We, the ignorant beings, are happy, but behind those happiness, there exists foul and corrupted situations that we choose to forget about. When will this delusion end?
When?
When?
When?
This questions, by the way, has been bugging me all this time. It is the fundamental question of human existence which answer probably lies beyond my understanding. However, just like a mathematical graph approaches an asymptote, I'm helplessly striving for that asymptote, that limit too. Ironical, isn't it? that I who is disgusted by hope, have hopes to reach the unreachable. It's just human...
I had TOK Focus day which, in my opinion, was a waste of time as the matters brought up to my group discussion were not resolved. At least I came to realise the problem of definition that exists in such discussions. The problem of definitions must be resolved before the discussion even starts so that the participants will not have to digress to the same problem over and over again. Sigh... What am I saying here is a waste of your time.
I'm tired now. Why am I tired? I do not know why.
I updated my facebook information, but I do not think that is necessary at all, as my pessimistic mind tells me that no one's going to read my profile anyway. Everyone has their own friend, and those who prefers to be approached, people like me, should go and live a lonely life forever and ever, AMEN. This pessimistic mind bugs me a lot. It's just my nature. Especially when I am in a bad mood like now, my pessimistic mind will play more part in my course of thinking.
Oh, and I read about terrorism in India, how Indian Muslims are offended by the lack of concern shown by the officials regarding the 2002 Indian Muslim massacre. Seriously, I do not care about this. All I think about now is the stupidity of human. How idiotic they can become. Seriously, I think people should really start to think carefully about their actions. Fighting for religion, in my opinion is absurd! What the hell do you gain from those fights? Glory for your religion? So be it, but what do you sacrifice at the expense of that glory? Ah, screw it all. Why do you need religion, HAH? Worse still, you are all forgetting the fundamental reason why religions are created? What is that fundamental reason, I wonder? Isn't it love? Isn't it peace? Has it been created so that people can fight for its TEMPORARY glory? Everything is temporary! Why bother?
Oh, "Everything is temporary; why bother?". This is one of my formulated quote. It makes me feel this life, or everyone's lives, are pointless. Our existence, aren't they pointless? The mere reason why we have to exist is questionable? Why do we have to exist? Shouldn't we end the sufferings of mankind by ending them all? Just like getting rid of stain in a piece of cloth by throwing it away together with the stain. Has anyone mentioned that human need to exist for the universe to go on? Then why is it that we want to exist so badly?
Oh, and Christians think that we exist so as a prove of God's glory. Our existence is to glorify God. If this is true, then isn't God a selfish being? Why the hell did He create us, helpless creatures, just to glorify him? Oh perhaps we are never intended to think the way we do now. Thanks to Adam and Eve who ate the fruit of knowledge! If only they did not eat the fruit, then we could have lived a simpler life, similar to that of the rest of animals in the world. Ignorance is bliss. Had they not eaten the fruit of knowledge, we could have been ignorant of our surrounding and be happy! Screw them for giving birth to our ancestors who eventually give birth to us, that we, the residue of their sexual pleasure, must endure the pain and suffering of the world. This is just a criticism on human existence according to Christianity.
You see, our existence is rather futile. Why bother to exist? Let's be optimistic for a while, shall we? We have no choice but to exist. We have two choices on how to live our life. One, do not bother about it and live an empty, drifting life. Two, we might as well make full use of this life and gain as much as possible since we can not choose not to exist anyway. The second option is the optimistic view about life, of course. However, we sometimes forget about the fact that we do not necessarily need to strive for meaningful life. Striving for a meaningful/good life is just one of the two possible options. Why is it that we tend to forget about this? Hope! Hope is the thing! We always have hopes about better tomorrow, better life, etc. Redding in the movie "Shawshank Redemption" said "Hope, my young friend, is a dangerous thing". It's true to a certain degree. Hope makes us delusional sometimes. However, hope is also the reason why we strive for a meaningful life, isn't it?
This blog can go on forever. I'm even tired of talking to myself now. Again, my pessimistic mind tells me that no one will be bothered to read this discussion anyway. This is one of those things that we, humans, take for granted. If we can be happy with an assumed reasons to live, why bother questioning? I can't help but to think that most of us think according to this statement. Ignorance is bliss after all. Suddenly, this common phrase appears to my mind very frequently nowadays. We, the ignorant beings, are happy, but behind those happiness, there exists foul and corrupted situations that we choose to forget about. When will this delusion end?
When?
When?
When?
This questions, by the way, has been bugging me all this time. It is the fundamental question of human existence which answer probably lies beyond my understanding. However, just like a mathematical graph approaches an asymptote, I'm helplessly striving for that asymptote, that limit too. Ironical, isn't it? that I who is disgusted by hope, have hopes to reach the unreachable. It's just human...
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Day 001
Wow, I survived the day
However, I did not do as much as I expected last night or this morning. Still there is one less reason not to do anything related to work. And this one reason is the most deadly and useless of all the possible reasons.
I jogged 7 rounds. I wanted to make it 10 but I was carrying an MP3 player which is quite a burden, and the fact that I'm carrying it means that I risked its working life by drenching it with sweat. I thought of listening to the "Anisong" while I run, and I realised that a special type of earphone is required to do the job. My previous rubberised earphone stopped working because of, presumably, this kind of jog. You may ask (whoever 'you' is...) why I am running at 10pm. The reason is because I'm participating in the Nike+ human race. It's going to be 10 kilometers! So I need to familiarise myself with such long distance running. I ran 20 rounds last week, quite an achievement. I was inspired (or challenged) by my "oh-so-perfect" friend, although I confess that I can never reach him. He is sooooooo far away...
I shaved for the first time today, and it was so much fun. Can't wait to do it again next time! I now look slightly younger with a mustache-less face.
Yeah, that's it for today. I better go to sleep or prepare my IOP already. Adios...
However, I did not do as much as I expected last night or this morning. Still there is one less reason not to do anything related to work. And this one reason is the most deadly and useless of all the possible reasons.
I jogged 7 rounds. I wanted to make it 10 but I was carrying an MP3 player which is quite a burden, and the fact that I'm carrying it means that I risked its working life by drenching it with sweat. I thought of listening to the "Anisong" while I run, and I realised that a special type of earphone is required to do the job. My previous rubberised earphone stopped working because of, presumably, this kind of jog. You may ask (whoever 'you' is...) why I am running at 10pm. The reason is because I'm participating in the Nike+ human race. It's going to be 10 kilometers! So I need to familiarise myself with such long distance running. I ran 20 rounds last week, quite an achievement. I was inspired (or challenged) by my "oh-so-perfect" friend, although I confess that I can never reach him. He is sooooooo far away...
I shaved for the first time today, and it was so much fun. Can't wait to do it again next time! I now look slightly younger with a mustache-less face.
Yeah, that's it for today. I better go to sleep or prepare my IOP already. Adios...
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Yeah Done Now
Let's see, this is my first post in August, and it is posted at the end of the month. Funny, isn't it?
Last night, at 3am, I deleted Most of my games. If I ever played any of those 'dormant' games that I left untouched for years, I will deleted them as well. I should have done this months ago. Granado Espada was the newest game I downloaded, and hopefully the last one I'm addicted to. Bloody hell, those games act like opium/drugs. Makes you feel... peaceful, I think. It makes you ignorant of your surroundings, thus, based on the famous saying "Ignorance is bliss", you will get bliss that is temporary, and dangerous too. It eats up your life without you being aware of it.
After the revolutionary personal breakthrough, I watched this anime titled "5 cm per second". It is about two distant young lovers (and I mean, young) and how their love developed over the years. Well, the story ended up sadly. They did not even get to see each other again, and they have lives of their own. Watching this anime makes me think of my childhood. All I could see was GAMES. I mourned over my unloving life. I nearly cried, or perhaps I did. I'm 18 years old, yet I'm as clueless as a newborn baby. The candle has burnt for 18 years, veiled, unaware of its surrounding. Last night I tore the veil up! I want to be new. The agent for regret is now gone. I'm not planning to subscribe to another. So... Where do I go from here?
Where?
Where?
Where?
Where?
Where?
Where?
Where?
Where?
Where?
....... I do not know, yet the clock is still ticking away, mercilessly, while I'm walking without apparent direction. Time is so merciless. Why won't you slow down for a while?
Oh, when I read other people's blog, I realised that blog can be used as a "what-you-did-today" thing. It's just something that I never knew about. Oh, and they write about the happenings of the day with their friends. As for me... all the happenings are in my head, and I experience them alone. Even if there are happenings with my friends (If I have one, that is) my brain will reject it as something so important to go to my blog. I guess that shows that I place no importance in my friends, which makes me friendless even now. Looool. This is just me. At this rate, I'll become a writer or a philosopher, or any of those things that isolated and lonely people do.
I would like to thank whoever or whatever that gives me the courage to do what I did last night. Please help me to hold on to a game-less life.
Last night, at 3am, I deleted Most of my games. If I ever played any of those 'dormant' games that I left untouched for years, I will deleted them as well. I should have done this months ago. Granado Espada was the newest game I downloaded, and hopefully the last one I'm addicted to. Bloody hell, those games act like opium/drugs. Makes you feel... peaceful, I think. It makes you ignorant of your surroundings, thus, based on the famous saying "Ignorance is bliss", you will get bliss that is temporary, and dangerous too. It eats up your life without you being aware of it.
After the revolutionary personal breakthrough, I watched this anime titled "5 cm per second". It is about two distant young lovers (and I mean, young) and how their love developed over the years. Well, the story ended up sadly. They did not even get to see each other again, and they have lives of their own. Watching this anime makes me think of my childhood. All I could see was GAMES. I mourned over my unloving life. I nearly cried, or perhaps I did. I'm 18 years old, yet I'm as clueless as a newborn baby. The candle has burnt for 18 years, veiled, unaware of its surrounding. Last night I tore the veil up! I want to be new. The agent for regret is now gone. I'm not planning to subscribe to another. So... Where do I go from here?
Where?
Where?
Where?
Where?
Where?
Where?
Where?
Where?
Where?
....... I do not know, yet the clock is still ticking away, mercilessly, while I'm walking without apparent direction. Time is so merciless. Why won't you slow down for a while?
Oh, when I read other people's blog, I realised that blog can be used as a "what-you-did-today" thing. It's just something that I never knew about. Oh, and they write about the happenings of the day with their friends. As for me... all the happenings are in my head, and I experience them alone. Even if there are happenings with my friends (If I have one, that is) my brain will reject it as something so important to go to my blog. I guess that shows that I place no importance in my friends, which makes me friendless even now. Looool. This is just me. At this rate, I'll become a writer or a philosopher, or any of those things that isolated and lonely people do.
I would like to thank whoever or whatever that gives me the courage to do what I did last night. Please help me to hold on to a game-less life.
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