Revive...

7am In the morning, and what am I doing? I could not sleep all night. Well, to tell you the truth I was playing an online game until 5am in the morning. I planned to sleep and wake up at 9am to do my Extended Essay data collection, but the plan failed. I got distracted by my long nails, and then a magazine, and then the online game that I left on. I decided, I'm not going to sleep until 9am and then I'll proceed with my EE.

Yes, it is the revival of my blog after more than a month period of silence. Reason for revival? I am tired of unreflective days. I want to break up from the trend of playing online games all day long, go to sleep, and play games again. I really want to break out of the deadly trend. Basically, it is days of hallucination and delusions.

I have been through a lot of things. I finished my exam. I survived through the days of post-exam 'activities'. I spent most of those days doing things like this. Staying awake until the next morning, and sleep all the way in my classroom. The planning for the overseas trip to Vietnam has started too. 35. 10 points away from perfection, which I can never reach if I follow this kind of screwed up lifestyle.

Makes me kinda wonder. Is there anything that I can do to open up my eyes permanently? Games are my main concern now... I'm losing myself now. I'm getting quite sleepy... However, I shall continue.

Well... pause... pause... pause... pause...

Oh, I heard a breaking news. It's not so hot, it was breaking, but I was simple enough not to heard about it. Someone in Secondary 4 was expelled because he attempted to fake a tragic story to distract his competitors. It's funny, surprising, shocking, etc etc. I mean, how can a person do such a revolutionary thing? He gets a revolutionary reason for expulsion too, of course. It's very lame... Getting expelled for a plot... He was very smart too... wasted. wasted.. wasted..

Well, it's none of my business anyway.

My brother finally got a girlfriend! After years of celibacy he finally got one. The funny thing is, he phoned me just to tell me that he officially has a girlfriend. it must be something really thrilling, I guess.

Anyway... I was watching a Japanese show. Great Teacher Onizuka. It's an awesome show, I think. Onizuka is a real man. He does not pretend to hide his true self. He says what he wants to say. A very radical, non-conformist man. He's quite inspiring, I guess. I, the Great Pretender, must learn a few things from such teacher, if he ever exists...

and I am falling asleep... Good night...

Through the rain...

Today is probably the most happening day of the holiday. I was jogging for around 3 to 4 km just to get my bike which was parked in an unknown place due to the rain on the day before. It seems that the Gods/God have something against me riding my bicycle back to my hostel... Yeah, it rained again. This time, I am trapped at a small bus stop that barely sheltered me from the rain. Worse still it was so windy that I was completely wet after an hour or so under the 'shelter'.

So... Under the shelter, at first, I was alone and I cursed the skies (or Gods, sorry) for making me feel that They/He have something against me. Then a Malay couple came to seek shelter from the storm. It seemed that they did not bring a set of raincoat. I just smiled at them, and that is the first and last communication with them. Then came and Indian man, who was going to walk towards his safe haven. Alas, he was trapped too! I talked to him for some time (I must be out of my mind). He even showed me a Bollywood videos from his phone. I could do nothing other than trying to appreciate his video, and try to show my appreciation by asking some question and showing some awe. Yep, that's who I am anyway, the great pretender. Still, I find the encounter quite interesting. We don't know each other and yet we became 'friend'. I doubt I will ever see him again, though. Few Chinese men came too, but we did not talk much, or rather we ignored each other. At least I showed some kind of concern to the last Chinese guy under the 'shelter'.

It's kind of coincidental that all races were represented in that short occurence. I guess it's just a coincidence. Anyway... as the storm faded away and turned into a light rain, I decided to continue my journey. I thought that it was pointless to keep myself dry, thanks to the 'shelter'. So... under the rain... I went kind of berserk. It was a different sensation, you know. It was so freakin cold, and my visibility is greatly reduced thanks to the raindrops falling into my eyes (I thought I should have brought my swimming goggles along). It was refreshing, really. Then I visited a buddhist temple, a real buddhist temple with little or no influence of taoism. I was shocked to witness how families with cars offered to give others a ride to nearby MRT station. I thought, "At last, a scene of kindness in a crazy world". Then, as I saw the Buddha figure in the temple, I suddenly felt like thanking the Gods/God for allowing me to experience something new, so that I can learn from it. Other human beings are dying as I cursed the Gods/God for their/His lack of fairness towards me. I guess I was being selfish then. Bah... A natural human response to mishappenings. I'm human. I'm not about to get enlightenment. Still, as I reflect on ththose figures, I requested for Wisdom and Courage. The two things that i need the most currently. I could not request for more than that (like good grades for exam), it's just too raw, too selfish, and crude. Then I rode my bike back to my hostel, still under the light rain.

I am wondering if it is possible for one to die of exhaustion. Failed attempts to kill oneself by exhaustion will result in lower probability of dying of exhaustion in the future as the body become more conditioned to exhasution. Thus, if it is even possible to die of exhasution, one should do it once and for all. Random, huh?

Here I am now, in my room, trying to recall the occurences that happened a few hours ago. Thinking that no one will actually bother to read the whole post and comment on it, I am considering to stop. However, since there is a higher probability that visitors will read the last paragraph, I shall leave something to think about. For everything, give thanks. No matter how shitty it may be, be glad that you are not dying like those starving populace in Africa.

Failure... Failure....

Today was a total failure!
An utter defeat!

I have failed to fulfill my plan to study, thanks to some obscure online game.

It seems that success is not as easy as we usually think. Sigh...

Tomorrow is the last day of revision, I better use it well.

What is there to think about today?

I was reminiscing about my young self just now. Few years ago, someone robbed my family's house. He took a small TV and a radio. They do not seem to worth so much, but back then, my family was facing financial crisis. Those properties were precious to us, considering the fact that we are tight in our budget. So... Yeah... We all feel cheated...

I don't know why, but one day my dad told me that the thief came to him and admitted his crime. I believed my dad. However, now that I think about it again, I'm wondering if it is possible for a thief to come back to his/her victim to admit his crime. I actually doubt that such a thief exist. He must have a heightened sense of guilt, if he is to exist. So... I actually think that there is a possibility that my dad was lying to me, so that I will be able to forget about the event. It's just a possibility that he would do such a thing, knowing that I was young and naive.

It's just what parents like to do to manipulate the thoughts of their children. It can be both good and bad. It's good because the children will then be able to move on with their life without too much grudge towards the one who wronged them. It's bad because the children may find out about the truth in the future, and get their feelings hurt. I'm not bothered to find out about the thief though. Whether he really did what my dad told me or not, it does not really matter to me.

Sigh... I'm starting to think that this is just another meaningless post.

Implications? None... I just thought of that all of a sudden. Just a random thought...